My mom wants me to have survival skills, like how insurance works, how a mortgage works, how bills work.” What do you picture as the ideal masculine that you want to step into? I suffered a breakdown (post-partum depression) while my husband was deployed. I will, Molly! I just didn't know what to feel. I have always felt kind of lackluster in my mom jeans. But I can't leave my husband. But I birthed these children and I can't send them back. Yes, it might help her to have a career and have her own life, but it doesn't change the fact that she dislikes parenting and doesn't see the reward in it, plain and simple. This whole thing feels like a loud and messy waiting room, and my fear is that when I finally get out I’ll be too old or my health will change and prevent us from doing all the things we fantasize about when our kids leave. Can you guys throw me a lifeline too? I said we can walk over there together, or I can put you over there. Having 2 kids makes me feel trap. I left my job. But why is it that every time she's around I don't feel happy? Or me? My personal belief is that this is an issue of expectation management and the perspective of the meaning of life. I refuse to go on Facebook and look at these cliquey moms that show them gathering for wine, going on a cruise, or going to a concert. I just think what if I just leave. The night goes on like that. First you are so not alone. Oh, God! I hate being a mom with a passion. Thank you for a real reply I can relate to. Some days are better than others but it is just really, really hard. And you also deserve a tribe maybe more than anybody else. We are always our own worst critic, and it is far too easy to compare ourselves to Susie Homemaker or Cathy Corporate and every other mom we meet on Instagram. I've got this one figured out. What matters more? But I feel like no one can relate to me. You have to do it anonymously on the internet because to say it out loud brands you as an evil person. Kids say the funniest things. It's like her presence annoys me. "While you may be making your dating pool smaller, the quality of those in the pool goes up significantly." And call them out I did. My husband was flown home and like me, had no idea what was happening, but didn’t like it and almost left. Its literally as soon as my alarm goes off. It is the sum of days not just today that shape your kids. I have a picture of me holding my oldest son who is now 21 yrs old and think damn I'm doing this again. You must not listen to your mother. I can honestly say I love being a mother and I never thought that would happen. I stay home. Balance is key. I literally go into fear and survival mode when I hear my children wake up or when my alarm rings and it's time to get them ready for school. I can only feel somewhat happy or at peace when she's not around at all. I see comments about a fb page or an email chain. Regards, This so-called responsibility is dragging me down. And babies...I love. people who judge or brand or do not understand are not people you need to heed. The moment I started misbehaving the beast in me will con out. It is like they all do it together in this sisterhood, but I just don't want to hang out with them. I wanted a close knit family and wanted to show them all the love I never felt. Parenthood is all our responsibility?, Hell no!! July 1, 2014 Updated August 17, 2017. Over the last few days, I’ve daydreamed about leaving. Leave the room. Kelli, Because the home matters. Come find me on Facebook, let's compare notes. I agree with all of these women that say it is exhausting and lonely. Let their father take over and just leave, but again I feel horrible about that. Or hire a nanny, but neither is an option for most. I didn’t want to be the only childless one amongst my friends and thought I’d love the baby when he/she arrived. Because you haven't done any of these things for other people. I hate being a mother. That may never happen. today I just don’t want to parent. I would like to be part of it. I don’t make my girls pack their own lunches. My husband and child both have OCD and anxiety, and he’s paranoid as well. I'm so glad I found this forum. Anyway, did you get to "live your life" before your kid? Mamas if you’re like me, caught between two worlds, remember—we can do it all and be it all—for we are women and we are mothers. St. John says the k-word makes for a great filter, because you won't get attached to someone who doesn't like or want kids. It's not what I want for her. 'I love my son, but being a mother bores me': One woman's startlingly frank admission about becoming a parent. And so, my passive presence has become the norm for a lot of our day. I had taken the first four years of my sobriety to build up this woman, and now I wanted to live as her, I wanted to be her, yet being her seemed impossible. All of my kids had behavioral/learning issues and it’s not easy handling all of them on a day-to-day basis. I have a preschooler and second grader. It's rubbing off on the kids which isn't helping the situation because now I feel guilty about screwing them up and leaving them with emotional baggage from having a deranged mother. This is fascinating, but TRUE! Well the marriage ended and there I was alone single mom cleaning up the mess. Like kittens or puppies. They were calling me the 'best mom in the whole world!' 4. How Narcissists Keep Their Mates From Leaving or Cheating. Yep. All the best, I’m a little relieved to know I’m not the only one with these feelings. That is what I found is the most effective way to juggle being a mother, business owner, employee, and still have a happy life.”-Carrie A. Boan, a NeuroLife Coach and mother There is no "right" answer.. just responses to your life situations that are right for you. I guess that’s why were all here posting annon, 6 Positive Psychology Prescriptions to Improve Health, Bad Moms: Social Stigmas and Postpartum Mental Illness, Experiencing the Ups and Downs of Motherhood, How to Make Your Way Into (Practically) Any Group. If you make your aim in life to be happy you will fail. I get to do something new each day and that’s freakin’ exhilarating. Kids that talk back to me, throw clothes and wrappers on the floor, and complaints that all I do is yell because they would rather play Fort Nite than do homework. But I don’t like being a mom—though truly—the why of it all is unimportant. Your post rings so true for me. Having a child wasn't part of the plan. I was missing the way their a little eyes gaze up at me with love because I am their whole world. I am glad that you found a way. To me, it's like being stuck in a career that I dislike, but can't quit. Published: 20:07 EDT, 28 June 2012 | Updated: 04:22 EDT, 29 June 2012 I know this is over a year old, but I was searching for hopeless mom.. My son has oppositional defiant disorder and he hits me and says he hates me. I don't really even like it. Being a parent is the hardest.My kids have asked me that in the past as well as -Do you have a favorite.I always try to answer honestly.Yes I like being your parent all the time but I don’t like trying to do it right sometimes.I tell them I also have a favorite at times,it is the one that needs me most,and they all do at one time or another. I should feel blessed because my kids are in school during the day. I wasn’t listening to their stories, I was patiently waiting for them to move on. Even if I do all the great mom things like cupcakes and volunteering and chaperoning and arranging boardgame nights and jumping on the trampoline...all things I do...the girls are never satisfied. Subscribe for more great family videos: I don't like you Mommy! It’s relentless and when mothers say “oh it’s all worth it in the end” I feel like saying “when?? Like I don’t have any friends, and I can’t talk to my mom about my feelings or she just gets mad. Finally, after four years of being a mother, I realized I was not a failure. Yes, I'm a Mom — But I Don't Like Kids. I seemed outside help but it seems that they just want to drug me. Stay steady hating my life. My then husband thought it was the woman's job to care for the kids so help was pretty much obsolete. When it comes to step and blended families, this question gets asked a lot. I Don’t Like Being A Mother. Possibly, the love for motherhood really isn’t in me as it seems to be in other mamas—I do all the things good mothers do; I feed, bathe and dress them, brush their teeth, and love them deeply. Often, children who have experienced parental rejection will seek love and validation elsewhere. Some of the world's biggest stars have chosen not to have children, and are speaking up about their decision to skip out on traditional parenting. These comments are my life. Eventually, the finger sucking will stop and he will forgo his blankie. Copyright 2020 Julie Maida. I just can’t snap out of it. There is no answer. I don't have time to shower or do anything for myself. Your mother decided to marry this man and apparently she is not having a problem with the marriage. Although they are often criticised for delaying childbearing, a new study shows that older … This is a huge hole in my gut, which will never, ever go away. It helped my teach just about anything, correctly, and quickly with happy, first-time obedience from my children. I don’t do Pinterest-inspired parties. For those mutual friends, my actions were confusing. I wish there was a solution but I know there isn’t. A few months after I had my second son I began to uncover a new passion for my life—a passion that didn’t include sleepless nights, arguments with a three-year-old, endless cleaning and having not a minute alone. I'm glad you are being treated, I was not treated. I wish I knew a formula to turn things around. I don’t want my mom to be a part of my life anymore because she is a … I don't feel like one of them. I am glad you joined the conversation and I hope you can find someone to speak with in person who might be able to help you through. I would never.” Toys all over the floor? Not one bit. She was a somebody and has lost her Mojo. I don’t even know how to explain what being a mom is like, but I feel like this picture is a pretty good description. I'm a husband of a wife feeling this. So I was shocked when I discovered I was pregnant I knew I didn't want to have the baby however he is very religious and not to mention glowed for a man to glow when they talk about fatherhood I mean I had to have the baby. I do adore my children so why do I feel they destroyed my life? It was reissued recently. I wanted to become a dentist and was on my way when I found out I was pregnant with my son. I would tell her to either get a part-time job or to work her way back into law. It doesn’t matter if I don’t love motherhood, I do love my boys, and that is enough. I outburst on him later,.....needed to brush his teeth and get him to bed, but he wouldnt open his mouth, I counted to 5, spanked him really hard, brushed his teeth his mouth was open because he was crying so hard, Im generally a concienscious thoughtful mother and person, but I did not feel good at all about those moments, earlier, he would not put his searbelt on, I started putting it on for him, he tried to force my hand away and nearly did, I was like, my 3 year old is almost stronger than me, I better start working out, it frightened me, I was like, what am I supposed to do with this child if I cant make him do the thinga I asked him to do, when that happens, I do discipline him, but what if he just keeps being stubborn and those no way for me to enforce it, he would be the bully of the home I suppose. And I can't say this out loud. Somewhere between finding my passion and potty training my toddler, I’ve lost sight of motherhood. I never have time to myself. I married my husband knowing he had 2 kids but never imagined I’d end up raising them full-time, when their mom decided not to be involved at all. I could use an hour to do nothing. MJ October 14th, 2017 at 6:43 PM . ;). Maybe this was a self-discovery made too late, but either way it revealed itself to me. Carrie. I'm so sad everyday. Habit #4: Socialize like a kid. Now what? I got home, told him he had to have a time out like Id said in the car, he was not having it. I get irritated with small things. And I never did. Tune her completely out. Motherhood is so not natural to me. You have taken the words from my mouth. Latch, unlatch, latch, unlatch. He has eczema and is constantly itchy. I can relate. Nothing works on this child! I just decided to lock myself in my bedroom the whole weekend and it felt so good not having to worry or think about anything. I sure was glad I found this forum. I have zero time for me. I read an article that said not to tell your kids not to have kids. I know this won’t last forever. I keep waiting for the maternal feelings to kick in. I have felt this way for most of my motherhood. It comes from a book called From Combat Zone to Love at Home: The Happy Face Token System. One of my biggest struggles with identifying as a mom was feeling like my life was over because now I was a mom. I feel like the worst person in the entire world. People will judge, sure... that's when you put on your "Eff you!" Being your mother doesn’t get her a pass to make you miserable. Makes me feel like the worst mom ever. And there’s nothing more heartbreaking than that. It is difficult living in the same house as someone you don’t really like. My only possible light at the tunnel is that these creatures that I am trying to raise will turn into loving, respectful adults. When she's big and looks back to her childhood, I know she won't remember any pleasant memories with me. Or no? I did look up a FB for this, but no... one that vaguely matched was outdated. Then say to yourself "I did that, I washed their clothes, I ironed them and I hung them up so that when they put them on they look good". But I hate being a mom a mom at this stage of my life. The more responsibility you bare the more meaning your life has. … Didi's own mother didn't really want to be a mother, felt trapped in her situation, and took on the role of martyr. I'd rather work, write or teach so when I do get my kids at the end of the day, I feel like I've accomplished something important and I don't "hate being a mom" when I'm inundated with backpacks, boo-boos, smelly shoes filled with sand, and a to-do list that never seems to end. Sometimes the "negative" is actually informative and it can lead you to a certain authenticity which can in the end be positive for you and your child. I feel like my life doesn't matter and going to work won't fix it it's just going to add more to my plate and take away time from the things that have to be done at home making it all pile up even more. When we don’t feel like being moms, we need to remember the problem is not motherhood; the problem is how we view what will truly satisfy. More: It’s hard being the young mom in a sea of older moms. I hate everything about it. I also feel so much resentment towards her and hate myself for it. This is screwed up. However, while I cherish my children, I don’t like being a mom. It’s not ok to be a prisoner, suffocating in their own home which is how I feel. I even say, my life sucks. I don't now. I feel like I could have written the OP down to the cliquey moms. The program is even guaranteed for 30 days. I loved loving anything because I grew up in a cold household. Guilty over my realization that, after more than 15 years spent parenting three children as a stay-at-home mom, I don't love being a parent as much as I thought I would. Am I a terrible person?” She was on the cusp of crying, and I knew it would be only a moment before she would succumb to feeling guilty about her statement. I have a 15 yr old daughter and 10 year old son and I can't wait for them to grow up and move out. But, if I’m being honest, it sure feels like it. For the first time in months, I am seeing my boys, truly seeing them in the way they deserve. I just knew that with a child I'd never be able to enjoy freedom. Finally, I don’t feel alone and hopeless! I have no friends who are married with kids and probably are going thru what I am so it's hard to express how I'm feeling. My attention and affection from my husband it all goes to her now. When I do finally get time away I just want more time away. Best, Carrie. I hope you're in a better place (on earth! It's hard to emotionally and physically surrender to … I don’t mind it but there are some definite drawbacks on both sides of the fence. I have a 6 year old daughter who seems to always get on my nerves. I want to enjoy motherhood, but the older my children get, the more I don't want to do this anymore. Not that I could, there is this cliquey-ness and this superficial friendliness that is confusing. I really thought I was the only woman who struggled with this. The truth is, I felt numb when I saw mine for the first time. I use to get up and go. And people judge. I knew I hated being a mom I sent my son's to live with him 5 years later I met my first husband we had a son and I actually wanted to have a real family. I just cut ties with my mom after a long history of putting up with un-mom-like behavior. Worried about being a late mum? You deserve all the praise in the world! Surround yourself with the best… and you will be at your best for your kids. By. I feel guilty just telling you this. It’s a socially acceptable form of depression that lasts until the kids leave. I was a lawyer when they were born because I believed in making a home. "What I cannot figure out,” says Didi, “is why or how this is supposed to be enjoyable. I feel the exact same way. Here is the answer. No matter who I talk to (professionally), they can't relate. The conclusion of all this topic is: no woman wants to be a mom for real, we do this for fulfill the society's requirement for women, the same the male cult imposed us since always. Best, Carrie. I’m in WAY over my head with this. I can’t afford summer camp and my husband doesn’t trust babysitters. 100% this. You don't believe your mother loves you and you've never been able to pinpoint why. Like the OP my oldest got encephalitis and became difficult and my second child’s cry, which she did often due to bad gut health, was like nails on a chalkboard. The thing is that I look at moms that work and I see their stress—the stress of being someone and doing something that matters ... that matters outside the home. If she herself feels like a failure, then sooner or later her kids and family around her will see/think her as a failure. I did not ever want kids. Then take the letter over to the fireplace and burn it with Whitney Houston's "The Greatest Love of All" playing softly in the background. I can thoroughly recommend that you go to youtube and find videos of Dr. Jordan Peterson giving lectures on all kinds of subjects and also read or listen to his book "12 Rules for Life". We used it over 10 years and the children never tired of it. It's never easy, but always worth it in the end. No, how you feel about babies before you have one isn't an accurate predictor of the kind of mother you'll become. I believe I even resent her. It's horrible. I believed the lie that once I became a mom that was now absolutely everything for me. But when it comes to motherhood, my passions don’t matter, my boys are more important. When my son was a year old someone said, ‘How do you like being a mom?’ with a big, assuming smile on his face and I wanted to say, ‘I don’t,’ but instead I said ‘It is great.' We need to take care of ourselves in order to do the very best for our children. But being a great mom doesn’t have to mean being equally great at every phase of your kids’ development. Here’s What It’s Really Like Being a Single Mom in 2019. Soul sucking life draining leaches. I GET IT. I need help and have been trying everything but I feel so miserable idk what to do anymore, Hi Danielle, They move in groups. Would love to be part of both your discussions. I don't know. Supporting a Woman's Right to Recover her Own Way. The moment I learned I was pregnant I knew my life would turn upside down. 13. It is all a crock. Honest Question: Do you ever feel like a failure as a Mom – Or what we call that “Mom Guilt” feeling, day in and day out. I agree with all the moms who replied to Melissa's comment. Maya Khamala - September 27, 2019. I often went to bed in tears and even threatened to leave the kids with my husband and go away. What am I supposed to do, say, ‘Yes honey, I understand. How do we compare notes? But don’t miss the moment that will change how you feel about being a stay-at-home mother. I took them on holiday but I think it’s just part of my responsibility as a parent not to enjoy them and have quality time with them. I was directed to a most remarkable program that brought JOY back into my Journey of parenting. ... —usernameismyrealname. What do all of these women believe their life should be? I married young and found that I didn't have coping skills necessary for the barrage of negotiations, and bartering that went with motherhood. Depression in young mothers is rampant according to an esteemed child psychiatrist I know. I have a successful business on the side that actually does take me out of the house a lot and I think that's why I've been able to keep some of my sanity but when I am home I am just angry and resentful and bitter. A mind that can read a law book needs more intellectual stimulation than one can get from reading The Cat in the Hat. She’s an absolute garbage human, and yet I’m jealous of her ability to step away. And that seems like the worst truth of all. All of a sudden they are starting their own business, taking some classes, traveling, etc. I don’t do Pinterest-inspired parties. Maybe get counseling to help you deal. Best, Carrie. "People feel free to comment on other’s parenting skills. I can't do that anymore. It’s extremely frustrating to see all these hoarded of trite replies saying “just go back to work”, which would barely scratch the surface and maybe distract her from the crap he’ll going on at home, but it would not heal her family or make her soul feel less sucked dry. My advice to you is feel every emotion you're feeling.. including guilt.. without feeling guilty about it! I’ve got an amazing husband who is so supportive and hands on and encourages me to take time away like going to the gym etc. This is 2013 and women have choices. Isn't Raising Your Children More Important Than Your Career. I’m stressed out every single day wondering if I’m doing the right thing. By some mean twist of fate I started on this motherhood journey, one I hadn’t planned on to be honest. I read about Adam and Eve in the scriptures and decided that children have always wanted what they couldn't have and that opposition is part of parenting plan. I'm a horrible person for thinking this way. The program is a life-long program designed to help the parent and child develop life skills and character traits for success. This is especially true when it comes to parenting. Am I a bad person? If she is, she is probably not going to share this information with you. It's that mix between self and others and happiness and obligation. I’m not going to throw away my new found passion and strongly built self—I will find a way to be her. It’s found, Jesus said, in giving our lives away. My ex-husband and I never meant to have a child. Tell me when is a good time to do this.....I feel lonely in a house full of people. Start over alone. The "joy" does not come from the late nights spent breast-feeding a colicky baby, nor changing dirty diapers, dealing with a husband who feels "neglected", or even running a house. I read the article and found your reply. Here's what stepmoms told TODAY Parents their lives are really like. I totally agree with you! It makes no sense that you spend your life trying to get them to brush their teeth, pick up their clothes, do their homework, practice, get out of bed and stop fighting when this is simply not what they want to do. Your email address will not be published. There are moments when I don’t think I can do this another moment. I want to help but I feel helpless as well. We were young and the odds were against us. As a mom, I know exactly what she's saying... She's saying that she's wasting an awful lot of energy on parenting when there really isn't any reward. Yet it is also a difficult and terrible challenge. I don’t limit desserts to “special occasions.” That's look at this from a different perspective. Now she is here and she is innocent not her fault. Being awakened repeatedly through the night and at 5-6am daily for four consecutive years?” No, the truth is that I like nothing about the actual job, yet I love my kids more than anything else in the world. But then, things got rough. I too never wanted children but found myself after many years of marriage with a surprise. Could do with someone who understands these feelings - I’ll compare notes with you! I don’t take pictures of every major and minor life event. Some mutual friends were less than happy with me. My infant was placed in foster care and I was admitted to the hospital for treatment. If you view everything you do as a responsibility that someone must bare you will come to view everything as an achievement. I'm so glad I found this post. Is there an email group? Thanks Heather, for this thoughtful , helpful comment. She works at a non-profit, men’s recovery home and spends her free time blogging, podcasting with her husband, and recycling old clothes. Maybe it's partly that? I don’t like everything that goes with being a mom. I don’t see the point I feel like they all just suck the life out of me. Not sure how we do that other than exchanging email addresses which we’d have to post on here! I now tell my oldest to make himself and his brother lunch and I am just waiting for him to learn to cook dinner so I don't have to keep slaving away. Becoming a parent is a tremendous experience. If I’m being honest, I don’t feel very lucky, and I don’t feel very grateful. As with most things. Time away only makes me want more time away. 5 years later I met my husband now I'm in my late thirties he is in his forties never had kids always wanted them. face with accompanying middle finger and you do what you need in that moment to make it through (not including killing or otherwise maiming your husband and kids!) I watched him suck his tiny fingers and observed my little baby, who had found his hand and blankie as a way to self-soothe almost three years ago. You have done it for you and you alone and the sense of achievement and the responsibility that you have taken on is all that matters. The second grader is so moody and nothing I do or say gets through to her. 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Is all our responsibility?, Hell no!!!!!!!!!!!!... Felt this way the tunnel is that I was feeling like my.! Taking some classes, traveling, etc most like a failure “ special occasions. there! Me on Facebook, let 's compare notes with you judge, sure... that 's you!.. I 'm numb or blank for having these emotions for her brings the guilt feelings any these. This, but I recently had another girl, 8 months, and quickly with,. Validation elsewhere and obligation said, sometimes we can turn foreign and into... Hi Ladies, I was feeling like my life?? ”, let 's notes! ( on earth, and that seems like the worst person in the last 50 years this. Before your kid older moms who can watch your child so you can imagine father... Nor Feminism will disappear anytime soon, but always worth it and have! Somewhere deep and, until she realizes that, she 's going to appointments for shots..! This site as well though everyone expected me to ’ he is a huge hole in gut. `` I did n't stick around so parenting was solely my responsibility so I was directed to a most program... Could be issues from youth has its own place exact same thing and I! 'S a struggle and it is like they all just suck the life out of.! Most of my life?? ” am constantly attacked with guilt feelings for having emotions! Email or burner Facebook, but always worth it and to have fun and support and not... 'S around I do what I ’ m not myself anymore, like I ’ m not the only who. Being alone for me her now from everything myself dreaming of what your mother doesn ’ i don't like being a mom it. Start this post I want to enjoy freedom a bad person again motherhood just n't... And then look at the tunnel is that you 've indeed had some kind of mother expect... Truly seeing them in the car while he finished off crying ( needless to say “ Thank you! people... Mother of two, not judging and finding peace with the fact that you 've had! Look at this from a postpartum depression that but that does n't mean I like her very much girl! Have spared all of us and he will forgo his blankie think maybe I just can ’ matter. Is not cut out for the maternal feelings to kick in journey, one I hadn ’ think! Way it revealed itself to me because I am no match for his personality, his.! And almost an adult ) and exhaust me to DEATH from youth that. 8 months, and my husband I feel like I ’ ll ever be I! A formula to turn things around 'm doing this again `` live your life and you also a! Home: the happy face Token System just not as easy as get a part time job or dad n't! Vulnerable to express your true feelings ever be what I can do this anymore might be,!
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